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Article written by Dr. Radiyah Shameli
Stay single or get married? To be or not to be married? That is the question that maybe Shakespeare could not answer. In this article, we will explore whether staying single or getting married is better based on what Prophet Muhammad and the Quran tell us.
The Benefits of Being Single in Islam
Come to think of it, being single isn’t all that bad, is it? You have your own source of income that you don’t need to share with anyone. You have a house for yourself where you can live in peacefully, without any disturbances or noise. You have to pay the bills for just one person. You can stay in your house whenever you want and leave the house whenever you want. You can invite whoever you want to your house without any objection. Life seems so wonderful! Less responsibilities, less expenses, less disturbances, and less stress. Why should anyone want to change such a life?
What about the drawbacks? For starters, you won’t have someone to love, take care of you, fulfill your needs, and have fun with. However, the biggest drawback is that your desires, especially the one that is strongest in every human being, won’t be fulfilled. We human beings wish to have a companion of the opposite gender so that we can show each other love and compassion. Likewise, we have sexual needs that must be fulfilled. The only way to fulfill them in an Islamic way is through marriage.
Some may say, “Well, I can control myself and I won’t fall into sin.” Although possible, most people cannot do that and they will eventually fall into sin, whether it is fornication or masturbation (see: Is Masturbation Permissible in Islam?) The good thing about marriage is that it protects one from such sins and like we read in narrations, “Marriage secures one-half of one’s religion.”
If you stay single, you won’t have a family, You won’t have any children, grandchildren, or anyone who can continue your legacy. At the end of the day, you must weigh the benefits against the drawbacks.
Is Marriage in Islam Compulsory?
With all that was said, some might ask, “Is marriage in Islam compulsory?” The answer is no. Marriage in Islam is not compulsory per se. What does that mean? If not getting married and living a life of celibacy does not cause you to fall into sin, it is not compulsory. On the other hand, if you see that you are inclined to having illegitimate sexual relationships or doing unlawful sexual activities as a single individual, then marriage for you is compulsory as long as you remain sinful. There may be some obstacles for your marriage, but you must do your best to provide the means for it. Perhaps you must get help from others. Maybe you should make the effort yourself and find a good spouse. The fact remains that marriage is “wajib,” meaning obligatory for you so long as your sinful activities persist.
Some do have the ability to stay single without sinning. Marriage is not obligatory for such people. However, the Prophet (s) has said:
النِّکَاحُ سُنَّتِی فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِی فَلَیْسَ مِنِّی
Marriage is my sunnah (way of life), so whosoever does not follow my sunnah is not one of me.
Therefore, as Muslims, we try our best to be like our Noble Prophet (s) and follow his instructions. It is highly recommended that we get married even though it may not be obligatory for us. We will explain why.
The Purpose of Marriage in Islam
Marriage doesn’t only have physical benefits. There are so many psychological and mental benefits that you get from marriage that you may not even notice. First, let’s see what the Quran has to say about marriage and why Allah created spouses for us:
وَمِنْ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ﴿٢١﴾
And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect. (21)
The Quran doesn’t say Allah created spouses so that you may have intercourse with them and derive pleasure. It doesn’t even say for you to have children. It is much more than these. We have been created for one another so that we may take comfort in each other and find inner peace. Why would a person deprive themself of such a benefit? You can stay single but you’re also missing out on something infinitely precious. Some studies show that those who are married are less likely to suffer from depression than their single counterparts.1
So if you think marriage is all about sex, think again. The benefits marriage offers are way beyond the physical pleasures you get from it. Remember, love is not lust-driven, but rather a spiritual and emotional bond.
Unhappy Marriages in Islam
A lot of people want to know, “How can I have a lasting marital relationship.” Is it even possible? Why is it that the rate of divorce is rising year by year? What if my marriage also fails? The truth is, life is full of ups and downs. We humans are used to taking risks. Some risks are bigger and some are smaller. Some are worth it and some are not. However, marriage should not always be called a risk, but rather an opportunity. If you understand the person you want to marry and know that they are a good person and like the way they look, it is an opportunity that you must seize. Conversely, if you like how the person looks but you don’t know much about their personality and beliefs, marrying such a person could be a risk.
In the end, if the benefits of a marriage outweigh the risks, there is no reason to worry about ending up with an unhappy marriage. This is when you should leave things to Allah and trust Him to take care of everything else. Nevertheless, some marriages fail even when taking everything into consideration. These are exceptional and shouldn’t give a serious cause for concern. In Islam, supplication, prayer, and shedding tears for Allah to fulfill a wish are known as weapons of a believer. We must take advantage of these weapons to ensure a happy life.
Islamic Marriage Rules
There are certain Islamic marriage rules that we must bear in mind before getting married. They are as follows:
- Only non-mahrams can get married to each other.
- Only a single woman can get married to another man.
- Men cannot marry more than four permanent wives.
- The two sides must grant consent to the marriage (they shouldn’t be forced to marry each other).
- A dowry must be determined to which both sides agree.
- The dowry must be something that has monetary value.
- The marriage contract (‘aqd al-nikah) must be said in Arabic either by the woman or another person (usually a religious scholar) who is the woman’s agent and says the marriage contract on her behalf.
- The man must accept the marriage contract in Arabic either himself or by an agent who does so on his behalf.
- After the man’s acceptance, the two sides become husband and wife.
How to Get Married in Islam
Everyone likes to know how two individuals of the opposite gender can get married in Islam. Before that, you should answer a few questions. To whom do you want to get married? Is the person you’re marrying compatible with you? Why do you want to get married to such and such a person? Do you think you have the prerequisites for a successful marriage? After answering these questions convincingly, you are now ready for the marriage contract to be said.
If the woman is to say the marriage contract in Arabic, it will be like so:
زَوَّجْتُكَ نَفْسِی عَلیَ الصِّداقِ الْمَعْلُومِ
I wed myself to you with the agreed-upon dowry.
Then the man must say:
قَبِلْتُ
I accept [the marriage].
If the man and woman don’t know how to say the marriage contract, they can make two individuals their agents to do it on their behalf.
If the woman’s name is Fatima and the man’s name is Ahmad, Fatima’s agent must first say:
زَوَّجْتُ مُوَکِّلَتِی فاطِمَةَ مُوَکِّلَكَ أَحْمَدَ عَلیَ الصَّداقِ الْمَعْلُومِ
I wed my client Fatima to your client Ahmad with the agreed-upon dowry.
Then, Ahmad’s agent should say:
قَبِلْتُ التَزْوِیجَ لِمُوَکِّلِی أَحْمَدَ عَلَی الصِّداقِ المَعْلُومِ
I accept the marriage on behalf of my client Ahmad with the agreed-upon dowry.
How About Remaining Single and Devoting Your Life to God?
Some may say, “If I remain single, I’ll have more freedom to practice religion and get closer to God.” They believe that in this way, they can dedicated their entire life to God.
A woman came to Imam al-Sadiq (a) and told him she was an ascetic woman who had no interest in the world. The Imam asked him, “What do you mean by practicing asceticism?”
She replied that she had decided to remain single. The Imam asked for the reason. She said, “To gain virtue.” His holiness said, “If there was any virtue in remaining single, verily Fatimah [the daughter of the Noble Prophet (s)] was more deserving to it than you. No one excels her in virtue.”
Health Benefits of Being Married
Who is healthier? A single or married person?
When you’re still single and looking for a good partner, you work out more and try to be in good shape. Nevertheless, researchers say that married people in a happy relationship have a stronger heart and a significantly increased chance of surviving cancer.
In a study conducted in the US over 700,000 patients diagnosed with deadly cancers, married people had detected their cancer in an early stage and received their treatment sooner and had longer lives. The study is published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.
Married patients were 20% less likely to die compared with single patients, and this could be because of the social support marriage offers to people.
Conclusion
Marriage in Islam is known as the most blessed institution. Without marriage, would people even exist? It is natural and healthful to get married. Those who wish to remain single are by no means forced to get married. However, the chances of them leading successful lives is minimal. Allah and His Prophet have told us that getting married is the path every Muslim should follow if they want to live a happy life. At the end of the day, the majority of people in the world are likelier to get married than stay single, for good reasons.
