My Child Is Lacking in Self-Confidence; What Do I Do?

Self-confidence is a potent driving force that enables us to get things done in the right way. It allows us to make careful decisions yet take calculated risks in our lives. Without self-confidence, we would turn into solitary creatures scared of taking action. Therefore, we must try to make our children self-confident at an early age. In this article, we will deal with the issue of a lack of self-confidence in kids and how we can remedy it from a Quranic and Islamic perspective.

Children’s Home Environment

The environment in which a child grows must be favorable in terms of the freedom they have to try new things and play as much as possible. We are talking about kids who are 2-4 years old. They should be able to interact with their surroundings without you hindering them from playing around. Moreover, you must not scold them if they make too much mischief or break things. At this age, children cannot distinguish right from wrong. Instead, it would help if you try to direct their attention to something else. For example, if they are about to break a glass, quickly direct their attention to a toy or a safer object. Scolding them too much and shouting at them won’t solve any problem. In fact, it will lower your child’s self-confidence.

As children grow older and become five and older, they can somewhat distinguish good from bad and right from wrong. If kids misbehave at this age, it is due to their curiosity, not hostility. They don’t think that what they are doing is bad, even if it is. It would be best to try to acquaint them with wrong actions and reward them when they do good things. This way, their self-confidence will increase.

My Child Is Isolated and Low in Energy

Kids are not the same. Some are energetic, mischievous, and hard to control, while others are quiet, isolated, dissocial, and inactive. The way you should deal with kids depends on their personality and behavior. For both types of children, you, as their parent, must play games with them. You should be their playmate. However, those who are isolated require a different strategy. Besides playing with them from time to time, you should take them out to play in the park. Usually, there are other kids at the park with whom your child can play. If they are at the age of kindergarten, taking them there will help greatly as they can better socialize with kids of their own age. This will increase their self-confidence. Kids with this type of personality must be pushed a bit to be somewhat forced to cope with social situations. When they grow older, they will have higher levels of self-confidence.

Adolescents and Self-Confidence

As kids get older, their personality develops and takes shape. You can easily notice if your child is lacking in self-confidence. You must try your best to remedy this lack of self-confidence at an early age before it is too late. Let’s say you have a child who is ten years old. He seems to lack self-confidence in doing things such as writing his homework, trying new things, talking to others, and playing with his friends. You must try to motivate and encourage him by mentioning his strengths and saying that he is capable of doing anything if he wills it. You should also teach him that as Muslims, we must rely on Allah when we want to make any decision and do anything, especially important activities.

It takes some time for a kid’s self-confidence to increase. Therefore, you must be patient. You must also beware that you do not damage kids’ self-confidence by pushing them too hard. In other words, you must consider their capacities. Always try to place them in a comfort zone to enjoy what they are doing.

Activities That Increase Self-Confidence

Many activities boost a child’s self-confidence. For example, enrolling kids in sports classes such as basketball, soccer, karate, gymnastics, and aerobics can increase their self-confidence by making them discover their abilities and talents. In team sports, kids learn that doing teamwork and working as a whole leads to success. From karate, children learn the significance of discipline and respect toward their mentor. They will know that one should only use physical violence to defend oneself, not to inflict harm on someone for no apparent reason.

The Islamic and Quranic Approach

Another activity suitable for older kids is listening to inspiring Islamic lectures. When a child learns that Allah is always with us and helps us, they will have higher self-confidence in doing things. We can also teach our kids verses from the Quran that highlight the issue of Allah constantly helping us if we believe. Take this verse as an example:

وَلَا تَهِنُوا۟ وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا۟ وَأَنتُمُ ٱلْأَعْلَوْنَ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ

Do not weaken or grieve: you shall have the upper hand, should you be faithful. (3:139 Translation by Qarai).

Another verse states:

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِن تَنصُرُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ يَنصُرْكُمْ وَيُثَبِّتْ أَقْدَامَكُمْ

O you who have faith! If you help Allah, He will help you and make your feet steady. (47:7 Translation by Qarai)

If you help Allah, Allah shall help you. Teach this to your kids. Increase their faith in Allah by reciting such verses to them. If we are faithful and believe in Allah, there is nothing to worry us, and we will have the upper hand. Allot a specific time of the day for reading the Quran and its translation to your kids. Their self-confidence will improve if they become religious.


It is crucial that your kids are not lacking in self-confidence if they want to prosper in this world and the next. You, as their parent, must find ways to increase their self-confidence. There are certain things you need to consider to boost your child’s self-confidence, including:

  • the home environment
  • allowing them to explore their surroundings
  • rewarding them when they do good things
  • enrolling them in sports classes
  • reciting verses of the Quran about relying on Allah

If you want to learn more about this life skill, enroll in the Quran Kids course, which teaches kids how to have high self-confidence. Download the app now.

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